Church – It’s the pits, man!
By Richard Meryon
According to a recent analysis of Church going in Britain, by 2030 there will be no men left in church. That may be a bit drastic, but the fact is, men are not coming to church any more.
Why not? It is no mystery. Chat to men in the pub, in the office, on the factory floor or in the health club and three ‘problem with church’ issues will emerge:
· Church is irrelevant
· Church is for women
· Church is for people who need a ‘crutch’.
In other words, men are saying: ‘What has the church got to do with the reality of a man’s life in the twenty-first century?’
Not everywhere. I know there are plenty of places with a vibrant, buoyant life. What’s more, they are engaging with the issues that make a difference to men. What is it they are doing right? What can other churches do to wake up to today’s ‘men’s issues’? How can we convince men today that the local church may be the place for them?
As Executive Director of Christian Viewpoint for Men, that is my job, and my challenge?
Let’s look at those three points. Is there any truth in them?
Is Church irrelevant?
For those of us who know what goes on there, the answer is no. It has something we want and need. But many people today have lost contact with what they perceive as “religion” They only go to church for special occasions, if at all. Religion and God are not a part of their lives.
So churches have become ‘foreign’ places. Many men regard them the same way as they regard beauty parlours – they have no real idea what happens in them, and they feel very uncomfortable in the environment. They think of church as an obsolete product – like gramophone needles and typewriter ribbons - things from the past which they might recognise, but have no use for now.
There was time when to attend church was considered a social responsibility. But no longer. There is no stigma attached to not going to church, or being totally ignorant about the Bible and God. Just see men who are invited to a family baptism at church – they linger outside to the last minute before the service starts, spend the minimum time inside and then dash outside afterwards with beads of sweat pouring off their brow and in need of a ciggy.
And how on earth does church overlap in any relevant way with what modern man does at work and in the sports club? Church deals in generic topics, with women and children, and with the halt, the sick and the lame. But not with profit setting, honesty and integrity at work, with principles for handling stress, people and dissention at the office?
The Church is for women
It does seem that way. If things happen in church, they usually are done by women. Perhaps this is a vicious circle – they are done by women, because men don’t go, because men are not comfortable in a situation dominated by women, etc. etc.
Many men are uncomfortable in small groups, preferring to be part of the crowd in which they can be lost rather than exposed: in the pub; at a Masonic lodge; at the Rotary Club; at a football stadium. Men develop companionship and purpose in this kind of setting. ‘Let’s meet for a chat over tea and biscuits in the church lounge,’ or ‘Let’s meet for a pie and a pint after the game’. I think I know which offer most men would prefer.
My shorthand for the kind no-frills activity that’s going to appeal today’s men is ‘chunky fellowship’.
If the local church fails to produce the chunky fellowship that men need, then they will seek it elsewhere. This may not sound politically correct, but many men do not like being in environments seemingly run by women. Nor will they open up in front of a large group. If we are to break into their lives then we must do so in ways that raise as few barriers as possible. Many men are wrestling with failure, bankruptcy or sexual temptation. These things need to be addressed privately and confidentially. The church is good at that, given a chance. But most men are not willing to give it that chance, because of their pre-conceived ideas.
Church is for people who ‘need a crutch’
I spent thirty years in the Royal Navy, almost half of it at sea. We were trained to be upright, self-sufficient, to be able to cope, not to cry, to be resolute, firm, decisive – all we needed was within us. Often we could, but not always. And this cross section of society is hardly representative of every man today, yet we men are awful at discussing the real issues beneath our skin: we talk of our successes at work, or about our PC and sport, but we never allow others to see our vulnerabilities and know how we are really feeling.
Being strong on the outside won’t necessarily remove outside pressures even though we may find them easier to handle. Three times in my naval career I was under intense pressure form those who endeavoured to damage my career – leaning on God was an amazing experience and He ensured that I personally was guarded. Indeed I was actually selected for promotion within weeks each time others had stabbed me in the back – “Vengeance is mine, I will repay” says The Lord, and He spoke to me each time and ordered me to leave it to Him.
At other times I was under enormous professional pressure to keep the ship performing (I was the ship’s engineer, and without well functioning systems a warship is useless and indeed vulnerable and a liability to the other ships around). In my regularly meeting with The Lord each morning, or even in the depths of an Engine Room, God would give me insight into what to do in order to reclaim a disastrous situation. I needed all the help I could get, and out there at sea it can seem very lonely. Do I need a crutch? Yes! Thank you God for standing by me.
“Get Real!” Develop some really good friends - that’s what we men need to do. Be honest about yourself, with yourself and maybe with a friend or two who will want to meet regularly for mutual encouragement. Share what’s really on your heart – why work isn’t going so well, those things in life which are tripping you up, that rising overdraft. A problem shared is that problem halved….and it’s probably only in church that you will find men whom you can best trust to be honest with you, who will not take advantage of you nor embarrass you publicly, who genuinely will be there whenever you need them.
So crutches? Well, yes, they help people who have been wounded helping them function by carrying some of the weight. We all need that. A philosopher once pointed out that ‘there is a God-shaped hole in all of us’ and through the church all our real needs can be addressed.
It is a mistake to think that to need comfort, support, encouragement and a shoulder to cry on is somehow unmanly. Men express those needs differently to women, but they do need have the need. Men struggle with fear and depression. This uncertain world wears us down.
What so many of us really need is a place where we can find support and reinforcement. A place where we can feel good and do some good. To meet people who struggle with the same problems we have, and to work with them to help others who are less fortunate than ourselves.
If church were a place where men knew that would happen, many more would go. But how do we make it like that? By making it the pits.
Church is the Pits
‘Church’ typically conjures up images of dreary cold building, arcane rituals and old ladies in hats. We need another image. Does church exist, as so many seem to, for us to come and serve its requirements, or does it exist to service us? Is it mainly a Sunday institution, or primarily to equip us for Monday to Friday?
We are made in God’s image to be His Ambassadors to the World. Does an ambassador remain inside his embassy, or does he leave its safety and travel across the land to which he is assigned, meeting the locals and representing his own Kingdom. So should we be hived off and in church whenever we have any spare time, or out in the community rubbing shoulders with those nowhere near God’s Kingdom yet?
Forget the dreary interior of a medieval building, with its sedate rituals. Think instead of the frantic activity in the pits during a motor race. |
Forget the dreary interior of a medieval building, with its sedate rituals. Think instead of the frantic activity in the pits during a Formula 1 motor race.
Life today does seem like a mad race. We are dragged along by the pace of events and pressures of the modern world. We must overtake, or be overtaken. Danger and risk are at every corner. The driver goes flat out on the track for 45 minutes. Then he must dash into the pits to service, re-fuel, and re-tyre the racing car - he might lose the race if the pit stop takes more than 7-8 seconds. The pit crew must be well organised. The drivers have no time to waste, but they know that time spent in the pits is not wasted. Broken down vehicles must be repaired, and got back into action.
· Drivers miss a pit stop at their peril.
· The pits are an essential place for repair and replenishment.
· Pits are not an optional extra – the driver cannot win without them.
· Pits are not a waste of time – but they are places where no time must be wasted.
· Every activity is planned and coordinated.
· The driver need the pit crew and the pit crew have no job if the drivers don’t come in…
· …nor if the drivers repeatedly lose the race
· Everyone is needed, and knows what is expected of them.
· The people in the pits are the servants of the drivers.
Now exchange “drivers” for “congregation”, “pits” for “church”, “pit crew” for “church staff”. Then ask what is the motivation and purpose in your church. Could it become a place where believers make a ‘pew stop’ to prepare them for the next few laps of life in the real world?
If we are going to remain relevant and stimulating in this fast moving society we must:
ü Have fun as Christians
ü Be natural with each other
ü Bring benefit and not restrictions to those who are Not Yet Believers
ü Remove all possible barriers
ü Design church to serve the World
ü Enjoy God
ü Scratch where people are itching
ü Present the Gospel in practically relevant ways.
Our faith, our Church, is of little use in this world if these do not bring real value to those touched. Does the outsider really want to leave the 21st century every Sunday morning and time warp back to the 18th century? Indeed, should we even be meeting every Sunday morning when so many teenagers’ sports events are run then – why not move the time or even day when we meet for worship? How about a sign above the inside of your church’s exit door: “The Worship is over the Service now begins”?
The Most Sovereign God of the whole Universe, Who has created everything and done a very good job, has handcrafted each one of us. What’s more He’s given us the Maker’s Handbook of instructions - and we men are especially bad at reading it! The Handbook precisely matches His Humans – let’s get back to it and apply it in topical, timely and culturally relevant ways.
Has your church become a cruise liner, where two thirds of the people onboard are passengers, expecting to be pampered by the crew? In every warship on which I served every single person had a specific task to perform at Action Stations. Every one and every thing had a purpose.
Let’s not be afraid to re-package Church and Christianity to match today’s society. The Man (Jesus) never changes. The Message (His Word, the Bible) is Timeless. But how we tell the world about him must change.
That’s our job, and our challenge.
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Richard Meryon is the Executive Director of Christian Viewpoint for Men.
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